silentiseasy

I want to go to a place called home
I want to return to a place called home
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A home is not something you live at. A home is something you build. We don’t find, or live at home. We build home on our own. We decide our room, our door and our window. We paint it with our own colour. We pick decor to fill the empty space. We intentionally leave some space to be empty. Eventually a home is not a place to feel we deserved at. A home is a place where we made ourself deserved.

Have you build your own home ?? I did.

We all experiencing the wrong turn so we can learn
We all miss the right choice yet we still been given with chances
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Kehilangan teman itu lebih parah dari bunuh diri dan lebih nyesek ketimbang putus sama pacar atw ditolak orang. Gak peduli lo salah atw bener. Perasaan bersalah itu pasti ada. Kenapa lebih parah? Karena lo matinya ngajak2 orang dan bukan mati sendiri. Kenapa lebih nyesek? Putus atw ditolak kemungkinan terburuknya lo masih bisa temenan. Tapi klo keilangan temen the two people will end up as complete stranger. And yes, i’ve become one of the strangers.

And when it rains
Will you always find an escape?
Just running away
From all of the ones who love you
From everything
You made yourself a bed
At the bottom of the blackest hole (blackest hole)
And convinced yourself that
It’s not the reason you don’t see the sun anymore
———————————————————–
[Paramore - When It Rains]

Gw tau gw gak bisa selamanya melarikan diri klo ada masalah. But the feeling of being empty and lonely is not something you can share with most of the people. It’s not something that everybody can cope with. Even with your own best friend. There’s a hole that can’t be filled. And there is a huge gap among us (me and other people). Mungkin itu alasan gw menyendiri. Menjauh dari sobat2 gw. Bukan krn gak gw percaya sama mereka tapi krn gw tau walaupun gw pergi gw selalu punya tempat buat balik. Mereka akan selalu ada klo gw pulang. Walaupun gw sendiri gak tau pasti berapa banyak org yg emg bener2 menganggap keberadaan gw itu penting.

I prefer die trying to find an answer to just stand still in my comfort zone and doing nothing. Gladly this moment came. I’ve found the essence from my Jigsaw Falling Into Places Life. The jigsaw can now be completed.  

Hari rabu - jumat minggu kemarin gw dapet DL ke Surabaya. Berangkat rabu sore pkl 17.00 WIB naik kereta BIMA. Sebenernya seh pgn berangkat pagian jam set 10an lah biar nyampe sana malem trus bisa nonton Milan Vs Arsenal deh. Cuma berhubung Surat Tugas gw, Direktur HI dan Kabag Kepegawaian belum beres2 so mau tak mau gw harus nunggu STnya kelar dulu baru bisa jalan.

Di sana gak sempet jalan2. Boro2 mo wisata kuliner. Paling2 juga cuma pas kamis malem aja si AP gw suruh dateng ke hotel biar ada temen sekalian ngurusin side project trus cabut ke Roya yg gak jauh beda ama ITC.. TApi asli gw maklum klo org Surabaya tuch disebut bonek. Gila aja disana jembatan penyebrangan, zebra cross ama yg namanya lampu merah tuch minim banget jadi klo kita gak nekat klo mo nyebrang jalan tuh bisa nunggu seharian kali. Bisa dibilang gw beruntung juga seh pas ke sana pas mendung jadi gak tersengat oleh panas. Oia gw kesana dlm rangka sosialisasi Kantor Percontohan Uji Coba Bebas Korupsi (klo lo mikir berarti kita bebas untuk dan bukan bebas dari itu tandanya lo gak pernah belajar B. Indonesia yg baik dan benar sesuai dengan EYD..halah kyk gw pernah dapet nilai bagus aja pas B. Indo hehe..).

Satu hal yg gw gak suka dari menjadi orang jawa mentang2 tgl di jawa sebisa mungkin klo ketemu orang jawa tuch harus make bahasa jawa juga dan bukannya bahasa nasional. Contohnya pas gw lg di lift mo naik ke lantai atas abis dari mobil ngambil FD. Kebetulan kan Kanwil X DJKN Surabaya tuch sekantor sama kantor pajak yg ada di GKN II nah pas di lift itu cum gw be2 ama OB yg lagi bawa lori. Pas dlam lift itu dy nanya pake b. jawa gitu dan gw bingung mo jawab apa orang gw gak ngerti dy nanya apa ya spontan aja gw jawab "Maaf Pak saya gak bisa bahasa jawa". Yg jelas seh ada kata2 sanes gitu. Sanes yg gw inget mah singkatan nama mbah buyut gw Sadam Mendez, yg baru beberapa bulan belakangan ini gw ketahuin klo ternyata gw punya campuran darah Portugis (ganti deh ama Portugal, klo make Portugis berasa belajar PSPB ). Kotanya lumayan teratur, gak macet kyk Jakarta. CUma kurangnya ya itu papan penunjuk jalannya tuch minim udah gitu jalannya tuch muter2 gak straight to the point.

I’m all at sea
Where no-one can bother me
Forgot my roots
If only for a day
Just me and my thoughts sailing far away

I’m all at sea
Where no-one can bother me
I sleep by myself
I drink on my own
Don’t speak to nobody
I gave away my phone
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[Jamie Cullum - All At Sea]

Menyendiri….
Itu hal yg gw lakuin selama kurang lebih dua bulan terakhir ini.
Awal-awal seh hape gw matiin, FS gak pernah gw buka, blog2 gw apus. Ya pokoknya menghilangkan jejak lah.

Aku ingin sendiri
terdiam dalam sunyi
bersembunyi pada sepi
menjauh dari bunyi

Aku ingin berdiri
tapi bukan di atas mimpi

I’ve met an angel before
Although she can not fly
But she sent me high above
Through the sky with her smile
With her laugh i revive

Make me soar once more my angel
Leaving this deep darkest hole once and for all
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[Inspired after hearing Jack Johnson - Angel from his latest album "Sleep Through The Static", which recorded using 100% solar energy]

I envy people for having a normal life, normal relationship, normal conversation and normal mind

Buat para Radiohead mania yg tersebar di FS klo lo pada mau Radiohead ke indo silakan klik link berikut ini Radiohead/Interpol/The Strokes ke Indo …. Disitu ada survey buat nentuin mana diantara ketiga band itu yg rencananya akan didatengin ke Indo.

Ayo, ayo pada ksh comment di link itu biar Radiohead bener2 jadi ke Indo..

"Which one are you. A robot or an alien?"
[Quote from Heroes season 2]

I am definitely an alien.

Outsider klo bahasa old school’nya.
I don’t quite understand why we do have to give people a f**kin’ care anymore.
Coz most of the people i met have turn into a robot.
(Houston we got a problem)

Asli gw gak inget kpn gw nulis neh sketch. Diliat dari tgl kreasinya seh 23 Februari 2007. Udah hampir mo setaun berarti. Gw jg nemu neh file gak sengaja pas minggu kemarin lg ngubek2 folder Lirik. Ternyata terkadang gw bisa nulis yg agak2 berbau art/poetry gitu ya, walaupun secara gak sadar .

This pandemonium has leaving me stranded here in this place
Where there is no way out to escape
All that left just excavating the remains
Your scent, your scene, you are scenery
Is this where my heart belongs
Those feelings are they deceiving me from seeing clear.
Or is just me playing trick with my mind
These place i recognize before
we shouldn’t have met
i should not have go near you
how am i suppose to do
i felt guilty if i’m stay close to you
i feel lonely if i’m not next to you
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–Maybe unconsciousness is the world i belong–